Night Five

I am officially done with one night of CPR training... and it was not hard lol. I thought it would suck WAY more! I ended up sharing my dummy with Nurse most of the time. We started out with vitals, which I took of Busy - hers went down and mine went up, go figure? And then we all sat silently to wait for Nurse since Crispy and Kiddo both already had CPR cards and Nurse was late. So she finally got there and after some bantering (I love this class now that they've all calmed down and stopped being dead silent, they're funny! And quick, too) we started up.

For an adult it's 30 compressions, 2 breaths, at a rate of roughly 100 compressions a minute - which means you should be compression 90 times and breathing six times in a minute if you're going fast enough. After two minutes, or five compressions, you stop and reassess (IE look for a pulse). If there's a heartbeat but they aren't breathing you just breathe for them until help arrives. Pretty much the exact same for a kid but shallower compressions.

I also learned to use an AED and holy crap, is that EASY. It looks like a child's toy. You press a button to turn it on. It TALKS TO YOU and tells you what to do. You stick the pads (which have diagrams for placement) on the chest and then you plug 'em in. It checks for a heartrate, then tells you to clear the body and press the orange button to deliver a shock. That's all there is to it.

Fun Fact: Disneyland has an AED and Emergency Phone every 100 feet!

We were threatened with a "miracle of life" video but maybe we'll get away without that lol. I think we have to watch that later during EMT stuff but fortunately I don't think a CPR certification requires knowing how to deliver a baby. Haha.

We also learned how to perform the Heim -- oops. Did you know if you use the "H" word now you have to pay a $2 royalty? They're called "abdominal thrusts" now. So we learned how to perform "abdominal thrusts" on someone who's choking and how to handle someone who passes out while choking. AND how to do thrusts on someone overweight (whack 'em in the abdomen with your elbow. No, I'm not kidding) and how to do 'em on someone who's pregnant (chest thrusts, in the same place as you do CPR thrusts).

Fun Fact: The accepted place for CPR is "xyphoid process and two fingers up." The real place is between the nipple-line.

That was about all we did. I am really bad with BVMs (Bag-Valve Masks) but I got a bit better. I'm AWFUL at making sure the frickin' head is back to clear the airway lol... but I'm great at compressions, once I figure out where to do them.

Also if you are compressing and start hearing "knuckle-cracking" sounds... that's because the rib cartilidge is tearing away from the sternum. Yes, really. Apparently you will know when you break ribs. And CPR leaves huge massive nasty bruises on people.

Also two minutes is a really long time. It's one hell of a work-out. I was shaky after class.

"Somebody Call 9-1-1!!!"